I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
