i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
