just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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