Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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