Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
