And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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