He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
