You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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