The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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