i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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