I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
