Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
