you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
