are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
