Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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