Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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