I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
