Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
