Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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