i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
