I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
