Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
