could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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