that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
