Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
