4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
