Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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