So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
