Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
