WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize