Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
