therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
