someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Damn victory sex feels great
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
