You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
