all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
