i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
