She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
