I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
