can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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