i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
