I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
