Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
