I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
