I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize