OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
