there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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