he thought i was a dude.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
