My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
