please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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