im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
