The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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