just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
