you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
