if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
