You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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