dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
