WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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