Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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