Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize