Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
