the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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