i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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