i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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