she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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