just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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