I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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