let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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